The continuing story of Mary and I, the dehumanization and brutality of the pornography industry part #6
Perhaps you noticed I’ve added an I to the blog title. Reason being I don’t wish to tell Mary’s story but rather my experience, thoughts and mostly to expose the myth and/or perception that pornography does not harm people. With considerable thought about writing this blog I have changed the names, disguised or been vague as to locations etc, to protect the identities of those involved. Individuals involved in pornography are not nice, kind or humane. Selling humans, however one wishes to cloak it, is a horrible endeavour, where souls are bartered away, spirits broken, families destroyed, and people corrupted (society). Participants in the pornography trade often are so brutalized, abused and controlled, they end up committing suicide, murdered or unable to care for themselves and institutionalized.
Mary is no run of the mill pornography entertainer. Unlike most of the women involved in this sordid business, Mary has had a very long tenure in pornography. Mary had made herself and others millions of dollars as she is extremely business savvy and professional in her business dealings. However as I”ve written prior, this money was evaporated by high style living, law suits, an abusive,controlling, dolt of a husband, assorted cronies and hangers-on.
Most like other woman working in pornography Mary justified the butalization and selling of her body (and dignity) as a legitimate trade-off for material wealth. Exclaiming, “It’s business.” Mary would explain to me, describing her disdain for men and women (assuming she did anything for free or actually enjoyed the work.) that approach her for casual consensual sex.
I never asked Mary about the pornography business, not wanting to appear as a fan or as she calles them pervs. She would engage the conversation and I would listen with a sympathetic ear, offering advice and urging her to enter psycological therapy and a detox clinic. She refused in denial of her illness and unwilling to face her fear of leaving pornography/prostitution. She would often breakdown crying, explaining in horrific detail the ugly details of making pornographic movies, her shame, guilt, utter self loathing, feelings of worthlessness, the fear and brutality of the self degrading acts, as well as the methods of control used by producers of pornography. “The producers would give us booze, plates of coke or meth. It was the only way I could do the scene, to get numb. I feel like an animal.Early on that creep JP, made me say I enjoy the business or I would get beat and my contract revoked. He got me in the busineses before I turned 18. They got me hooked on coke and booze.” Mary confessed to me to sobbing. The only way I could console her was to brush her hair and stroke her forehead. Mary would barricade herself in doors, consuming massive quantities of alcohol and Valium. The room is entirely blacked out except for candles for light. Mary suffered brutal beatings and several kidnappings being held hostage. Mary’s fear is palpabable .I became terrified she would OD and kept a vigilant watch monitoring her vitals constantly. I could not get her to stop drinking.
By the time I became involved with her, Mary had stopped making pornographic video but continued with webcamming and prostitution. Mary denied the prostitution. However it was blatantly obvious as she advertises. Mary desperately wished for a legitimate relationship with me as well as a career in mainstream entertainment. The likes of Tracy Lords. ”I just want you to love me. Ok can you do that?” she asked softly. I do love her unconditionally and I supported her without question, I knew from the beginning of this relationship I was getting involved with a pornographic entertainer, with many problems, who is asking for help on finding a way out. I thought I could handle the task. I had no idea the extent or depth of the brutality, abuse, criminality and illness intertwined in her life.
Mary suffering from admitted and diagnosed bio-polar disorder, ( I also suspected a schizoid effective symptoms) became infuriated when I questioned her as to what she was doing, leaving home on the spur of the moment. ”You ask to many questions. Just drop me off at the airport.” Mary complained. “I work for the government catching child molesters.” You know I’m qualified to do this.” Mary would also tell me she was a profiler, that she was working for a government agency spotting potential terrorists. Mary has weapons permits and training in undercover work having showed me her certificates. She also has many affiliations with politicos and ex military personnel. Therefore anything she said became plausible as I desperately wished to believe in Mary. to be continued…. to read the beginning of this blog http://gerilewis.wordpress.com/2011/10/25/the-continuing-tale-of-mary-the-brutality-and-dehuminization-of-the-pornography-industry-part-4/