Mary and I the dehumanization and brutality of the pornography industry part #10

Mary would play games with my emotions. I had no idea at the time this is her way of controlling and manipulating others or the relationship. I learned much later that behaviour is learned and repeated. She has been abused, controlled and manipulated so Mary abuses, controls and manipulates others.

Mary had not called me in a week. She had become furious at me over a saying, “You don’t know everything.”as we discussed the pineal gland, Chakras, and telekinesis. She also said, “I have important church VIP coming into town. I have to show them around.” I suspected prostitution but I wanted to believe in her so much. I know she really wanted to quit prostitution and pornography. Cursing and screaming epithets, I knew these were really directed at herself as much as me. I drove through the desert, home alone. Again.

I was beside myself with worry at the same time angry for allowing myself to be treated so badly.

The bright January California sunshine, cheerful in all it’s celebrated fame beats down on L.A, on Hollywood, on me, the sweat, beading on my brow. Marching up Cahuenga Ave, I take Hollywood in stride, after all I’ve spent much of my life on these streets, clubs, homes, apartments and alleys. Yet a sadness  I never felt prior to knowing Mary, settles in my heart. I begin to sob as a tour bus full of pasty mid-west gawkers, Gucci outfitted Chinese nuevo riche, and tight -jean Euros rounds the corner of Hollywood Blvd. The Hollywood Hills home’s windows stare back at me, reflecting the horror stories Mary so painstakingly confided in me. The sadness blankets me, it is suffocating. I have to talk myself out of living her pain thinking, “I have my own past in Hollywood, in L.A. Why does her past life affect me so? I had nothing to do with her decisions. I’ve lost friends and seen almost the same thing happen to others as a teen.”
Blowing my nose in my sleeve just like a snot nosed kid, I compose myself, trudging the remaining 100 yards or so to my destination, a small chic boutique. Not having seen her for a decade I walk clean past her, oblivious. Crysta, left foot in front of the right, crossed at the ankles, standing in the doorway, grabbing my shoulder says, “You’re a mess.” Yeah, well you don’t look so hot either.” I reply.  “I heard you are dating Mary that porn star.” She says with raised eybrows. I look at her. “Ohhhh You love her.” Crysta says matter of factly. I have not seen Crysta in 10 years but she knew immediately. Just one damn glance. “Yeah.” I say looking her in the eye, holding her gaze and quickly looking away, at the damn Hollywood Hills. Crysta and I go way back. 22 years exactly. We have a secrete, I can’t tell you neither can Crysta. Pornography, strip clubs, prostitution, and the assorted evils that accompany this miserable slice of life’s pie has been much more a part of me than I care to admit. Until http://gerilewis.wordpress.com/2012/02/08/mary-and-i-the-dehumanization-and-brutality-of-the-pornography-industry-part-9/