The continuing story of Mary and I, the dehumanization and brutality of the pornography industry part #8

Mary calling promptly after 10:00pm, the hour she signed off from her internet pornographic shows, exclaimed how she detested the internet customers. remarking matter of factly, “I had to stop and run out to 7-11 to buy batteries for my vibrators.”  We would talk for hours and hours Often the sun would be rising when we would say good-byes. The topics always so diverse, ranging from aliens to God to food to our children. Mary enjoyed my army stories and she really revelled in the hazing stories.  Saying, “Tell the story when they beat you with bars of soap in socks. Oh oh, tell me the story when they tied you up, locked you in the locker and threw it down a flight of stairs.” Mary would laugh with an over exuberant glee. I did not understand why until much much later in our relationship exactly why she enjoyed these stories so much.What I did know, during  our first in-depth conversation, our relationship was a supernatural event.  Divine spiritual manifestation.We discussed Jesus Christ.  How else could this be explained? The art piece with her images, the fact I knew she was not who she portrayed herself to be. That her public image was a fraud. That she so readily confided in me.  Ccoincidence? not a chance

I can’t say I had never meet her, (as I had that brief encounter  15 years ago) but I certainly did not know her. Not at all.  Yet I knew I loved her from our first conversation. She is so sad, so alone, so hurt. .

Just as I am.

Saying, “I love you.” I was risking alienating her. I knew she had heard this from fans, perverts, abusers, manipulators and God knows who else. But I had to say this. It bubbled out of my mouth, like spring water. Clear, honest and true. Filtered through the  granite bedrock-wreckage of my life  . I didn’t want anything from her but to heal her, to bring her joy ,peace and love. The things I pined for also. The very ingredients missing from my soul. I could empathize with her agony, humiliation, shame, and loneliness. The loneliness. The unbearable void in the very center of the human heart.  Mary’s voice was faint, a virtual whisper and I could hear her shallow breathing. I knew she had been drinking and she had ingested Valium. I was panicked. ”I…love…you…too,” she finally said beginning to cry. I in turn began to sob uncontrollably. Glancing at my wrist watch I noticed it was 6:30am.

The continuing story of Mary and I, the dehumanization and brutality of the pornography industry part #7

Allow me, to hold the door, that’s it step inside, that is %100 leather. As a matter of fact this is a Lincoln LS Towncar.  Relax, just ask me anything  if you feel the need.  I’ll start the car.  Smooth ride for sure, the best. We will be taking a trip back home and this my dear reader as you’ve already learned is no ordinary tale of love and romance.

Pure unabashed excitement coursing  throughout my entire being I put the receiver to my ear.  I’ve never been as shy or nervous as I am now. I try my best to be nonchalant, cavalier even.  A dead give away. Even hundreds of miles away through a telephone call she knew. “Dont be nervous.” Her raspy somewhat nasal voice surprised me. “So what are you up to?” Her dialect, a sing -song California Valley Girl , instantly eased my apprehension, being a So-Cal beach native. I felt at home, safe.  Hey I’m sorry we have to go all the way back.  It is a long trip, so just sit back. fix yourself a drink, take your shoes off. We have a long way to travel. Let me ask you a question as it is such a long ride. Do you believe in destiny? Karma,? God, or a universal love? You don’t have to answer now. Just let that thought sink in and marinate on it, ok.

G.H Bush is President of the United States .  All male military personal in my unit,view pornographic material as it is endemic, impossible to escape.  My first encounter with Mary. I was enamored with this on-screen vixen. She was everywhere. Playboy, Hustler, other skin rags she was in all of those. I’m not going to lie. I wished to have sex with her and I imagined, yes fantasized about her.  I had a brilliant idea , I would create a piece of functional art with her images ( photos) adorned in the piece! I devised a technique using resins to create this work of erotic art.  When finished,a lot of soldiers and civilians really liked it. I was surprised. Perhaps a year passed. The art object gathered dust and I lost much interest in Mary.

Mary was at the forefront of the first wave of mainstream acceptability of pornography. A  pornographic superstar. She was the  most infamous XXX film actress at the time.  Well at least I thought so and so did many other men and some women.

Flipping through a local newspaper, a strip club advertised Mary would be appearing at such and such time, such and such date. I decided to attend. I brought the creation with me. The joint was mobbed, sold out. Inside about 150 males crowded around the strip runway, chanting screaming  and yelling in anticipation of Mary taking the stage. As she began her strip tease, the crowd erupted in a fervor, tossing money.  A pro’s pro, Mary milked the crowd, building the show to a frenzy. Mary was electricity  defined. Her naked body swayed and enticed, seductively. She worked all the stripping prerequisites and some. Sparks leapt from her finger tips and flashed about the room, it was not the suspended sparkle ball and white-hot colored lighting. The light emanated from her. An energy. She glistened sweat, her painted fingernails and makeup, flawless. Her smile captivating and alluring. Her eyes flashed but didn’t really see us. She oozed what Hollywood calls star power.  It’s her. I thought to myself.  Our eyes met  for a nano-second at best.   After her show, signing autographs, I asked her to sign the creation. Signing the art piece, I asked her something. The instant she replied, I knew she was a fraud but not as you are thinking. I can’t reveal how I knew or her identity could be easily discerned. A one minute encounter at best. Just another customer. A sap, a chump as it was called decades before. to be continued….

http://gerilewis.wordpress.com/2012/01/16/the-continuing-story-of-mary-and-i-the-dehumanization-and-brutality-of-the-pornography-industry-part-8/

 

http://gerilewis.wordpress.com/2011/10/25/the-continuing-tale-of-mary-the-brutality-and-dehuminization-of-the-pornography-industry-part-4/

The continuing story of Mary and I, the dehumanization and brutality of the pornography industry part #6

Perhaps you noticed I’ve  added an I  to the blog title. Reason being I don’t wish to tell Mary’s story but rather my experience, thoughts and mostly to expose the myth and/or perception that pornography does not harm people. With considerable thought  about writing this blog  I have changed the names, disguised or been vague as to locations etc, to protect the  identities of those involved. Individuals involved in pornography are not nice, kind or humane.  Selling humans, however one wishes to cloak it, is a horrible endeavour, where souls are bartered away, spirits broken, families destroyed, and people corrupted (society). Participants in the pornography trade often are so brutalized, abused and controlled, they end up committing suicide, murdered or unable to care for themselves and institutionalized.

Mary is no run of the mill pornography entertainer. Unlike most of the women involved in this sordid business, Mary has had a very long tenure in pornography.  Mary  had made herself and others millions of dollars as she is extremely business savvy and professional in her business dealings. However as I”ve written prior, this money was  evaporated by high style living, law suits, an abusive,controlling, dolt of a husband, assorted cronies and hangers-on.

Most like other woman working in pornography Mary justified the butalization and selling of her body (and dignity) as a legitimate trade-off for material wealth. Exclaiming,  “It’s  business.” Mary would explain to me, describing her disdain for men and women (assuming she did anything for free or actually enjoyed the work.) that approach her for casual consensual sex.

I never asked Mary about the pornography business, not wanting to appear as a fan or as she calles them pervs. She would engage the conversation and I would listen with a sympathetic ear, offering  advice and urging her to enter psycological therapy and a detox clinic. She refused in denial of her illness and unwilling to face her fear of leaving pornography/prostitution. She would often breakdown crying, explaining in horrific detail the ugly details of making pornographic movies, her shame, guilt, utter self loathing, feelings of worthlessness, the fear and brutality of the self degrading acts, as well as the methods of control used by producers of pornography. “The producers would give us booze, plates of coke or meth. It was the only way I could do the scene, to get numb. I feel like an animal.Early on that creep JP, made me say I enjoy the business or I would get beat and my contract revoked. He got me in the busineses before I turned 18. They got me hooked on coke and booze.” Mary confessed to me to sobbing. The only way I could console her was to brush her hair and stroke her forehead. Mary would barricade herself in doors,  consuming massive quantities of alcohol and Valium. The room is entirely blacked out except for candles for light. Mary suffered brutal beatings and several kidnappings being held hostage. Mary’s fear is palpabable .I became terrified she would OD and kept a vigilant watch monitoring her vitals constantly. I could not get her to stop drinking.

By the time I became involved with her,  Mary  had stopped making pornographic video but continued with webcamming and prostitution. Mary denied the prostitution. However it was blatantly obvious as she advertises.  Mary desperately wished for a legitimate relationship with me as well as a career  in mainstream entertainment. The likes of Tracy Lords. ”I just want you to love me. Ok can you do that?” she asked softly. I do love her unconditionally and I  supported her without question, I knew from the beginning of this relationship I was getting involved with a pornographic entertainer, with many problems, who is asking for help on finding a way out. I thought I could handle the task. I had no idea the extent or depth of the brutality, abuse, criminality and illness  intertwined  in her life.

Mary suffering from admitted and diagnosed bio-polar disorder, (  I also suspected a schizoid effective symptoms) became infuriated when I questioned her as to what she was doing, leaving home on the spur of the moment.   ”You ask to many questions. Just drop me off at the airport.” Mary complained. “I work for the government catching child molesters.” You know I’m qualified to do this.”  Mary would also tell me she was a profiler, that  she was working for a government agency spotting potential terrorists.  Mary has weapons permits and training in undercover work having showed me her certificates. She also has many affiliations with politicos and ex military personnel. Therefore anything she said became plausible as I desperately wished to believe in Mary. to be continued….  to read the beginning of this blog  http://gerilewis.wordpress.com/2011/10/25/the-continuing-tale-of-mary-the-brutality-and-dehuminization-of-the-pornography-industry-part-4/