Periscope up! I lived the life of a spiritual submariner buried beneath the seas of despair, depression, broken heartedness and confusion. The still is from an interview in the documentary film Made in Venice. This was the complete bottom of my 40 some odd years of substance abuse. Many would never know watching the film, many others at time were oblivious and a select few were fully aware of my condition during the shoot. Truly a miracle I am alive today. The interview was shot just after Mimi had me arrested. Two days in the Las Vegas clink. Two days travel time to L.A in time to play a Venice All Stars show at the now defunct Key club. I drank myself into a stupor. An angry, broken hearted, black daze of fury of hurt. I ended up in the West Hollywood jail after being ejected from the Key Club, fighting with and getting my ass kicked by L.A County Sheriff of West Hollywood fame.
I was defeated.
My last drink of alcohol is May 24th 2011. The interview was shot not much longer after. I was in VA treatment facility and released to take part in the film.
It has been a long road of recovery.
Looking back through the film shook me. My face gaunt and pale. Eyes hollow and haunting. I may have been talking about a particular subject and cognizant but my heart spirit and soul are completely broken.
I put down writing the memoirs for two years. I surely love Mimi. However I have learned to love myself. It has taken 5 years of recovery. Half a decade of sobriety and I am just learning what it really requires to act like a man. One of those lessons is to love myself enough to face my problems. Another lesson is women are not objects for self gratification and objectifying. One more lesson of the hundreds I have been taught is porn stars are not stars. They are prostitutes. If you watch pornography, you are a john. All are very broken people. Especially the performers. Pornography harms people. The industry is brutal and dope infested and not a vehicle of free speech but rather oppression and self loathing. Industry. The word is a description of how people are devalued in and by pornography. People are a commodity nothing more.
I have a solution now and it does not require checking out via drugs, alcohol, prostitutes and other means of self abuse. I’ve picked up the writing and God willing will have the memoirs published soon.
Thank you for allowing me to be of service.